Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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