OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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