i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
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