Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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