i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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