Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
29 Super Simple DIY Drinking Games
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!