We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito