You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine