Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Randomize
