If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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