hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.