You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
