Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
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I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
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Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now