She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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