a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
