it hurts more in the daytime
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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