we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
