So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
