Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
