yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
We left an ass print on the piano.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Randomize
