I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
