Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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