I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
