I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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