Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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