Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
