piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
