he shaved USA in his pubs
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I came so hard my ears popped.
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