definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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