Already got asked if we're dating
grandma shit on top of the toilet
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
