The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
It's blow job season.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
