OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
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