Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
