my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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