i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
