Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
