My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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