Someone shit on the floor
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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