Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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