i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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