Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
