So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
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