12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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