okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
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