I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
