LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
