The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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