I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
