So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
