I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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