Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Randomize
