I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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