my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Randomize
