they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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