And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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