Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
vagina is talking i cant
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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