well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
