Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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