I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
