dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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