She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
