so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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