I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
