Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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