Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
