Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Randomize
