I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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