I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
