My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
