Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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