nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
