Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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