I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
