It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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