no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
