So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
