i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
