my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
