If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
just tell him i said nine months
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
She tied me up with her honor cords...
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
We have so much sex to catch up on
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
