I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
