She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
In America we eat man semen.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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