I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
whose parrot is this?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
