I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
