So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
