Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
