this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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