I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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